


"Keith Gets a Sex Change"

by Queenscene2



Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [3]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen, Genderbending, Genderswap, Hesitant to tag this as klance or mckogane, I'm a little under the weather, Lmao this whole series is an AU, Witch Curses, because everyone ships them in this show for some reason, cause...yeah, crack fic time, kind of, like pure crack cocaine, so hence, some kallura mention, this is actual garbage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25235275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenscene2/pseuds/Queenscene2
Summary: As a result of a curse, Keith wakes up feeling...very different.A crack fic
Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825153
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	"Keith Gets a Sex Change"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [80sGayTrashGoblin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Fair... Maiden?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25139692) by [80sGayTrashGoblin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/pseuds/80sGayTrashGoblin). 



> ***This is a crack fic. Nothing in this should be taken seriously***
> 
> This inspo was given to me by a fic 80sGayTrashGoblin did who, despite her name having trash in it is not trash and you should check her fics out. She's got an amazing AU happening that you will definitely like! 
> 
> (She also encouraged me to write this so here we go)

Haggar let out a long shrill laugh as she kept pointing her Robeast toward the pilots. “On your left!” Pidge yelled out to Keith. Keith swerved the Black Lion around the laser beam. “Thanks!” Haggar just kept laughing.

Lotor just took a sip of his wine. “Haggar you missed, you old hag! Stop that laughing!” Haggar turned to him and pet her cat slowly. “That’s what you think, sire!” She said in her ear piercing, cringe inducing, high pitched, nails on a chalkboard voice.

“What they _don’t_ know is that there is a secret cloud of fog that will completely change their sex!” She looked through her crystal ball. “And I know just who to target.” She said as Keith popped up. “No proper commander can lead his crew if he was a woman!” She followed up her misogynistic comment with a shrill, high-pitched, scream-laugh.

Lotor smirked. “Haggar, you’ve really outdone yourself.” He took another sip of his wine. “Just make sure not to hit Princess Allura. I like my women…effeminate.”

“Of course, sire. After I hit the commander with the gas, there will be no competition for you at all! The other pilots will be too busy with the commander, and the princess will be yours!” Lotor nodded in affirmation. “Good.”

~

“Not sure how long we can keep this up, Keith!” Lance cried, as another laser hit his lion’s paw. Keith had decided that Voltron couldn’t be formed, as the laser beams just kept on coming. They had no way to stop, go form Voltron, and come back.

“Let’s just keep going! We already destroyed half of it and….AUGH!” Keith felt a mysterious fog enter his lion and into his lungs. “Keith!” Allura cried, worried that her crush might be injured in some way. The pilots heard Keith cough violently. “I’m fine!” he said, and the fight kept on going.

With victory once again being theirs, the pilots headed home for the day. Keith was extra quiet as they walked into the room. He was suddenly not feeling himself. “That was mighty difficult from not forming Voltron! I can’t believe we did it!” Hunk exclaimed.

“Yeah…that victory was almost… _too_ easy.” Lance said. He squinted his hooded eyes and looked back and forth. Keith suddenly felt a migraine come on, and not the kind he got when his crew did stupid shit either.

“Keith? You alright?” Allura asked, cocking her head to the side. Keith was rubbing his temples, and he looked paler than usual. “I...honestly am not.” He muttered. The pilots watched him with concern as Keith rubbed his eyes.

“I’m feeling kind of tired…I think…” He took a deep breath. Lance quickly ran and stood behind him just in case he passed out. Keith took in a deep breath and straightened himself out. He wasn’t about to show weakness in front of his fellow pilots.

“I’m gonna go to my room. Nobody follow me.” He commanded. He gave Lance a look and walked off. Lance shrugged. It wasn’t like Keith to act so cranky. The pilots decided not to bother their commander for the rest of the day.

~

Keith woke up the next morning feeling, better physically, but still didn’t feel like himself. He rubbed the tired out of his eyes and sat up. As he did, he felt his pajama top sag, as if it was suddenly too big on him. _That’s weird._ He thought.

Keith stood up and found that his pajama pants fell quickly at his ankles. _What the hell?!_ He was growing worried. He left his pajama pants behind him and walked slowly toward his mirror, afraid of what he might see.

He was not expecting _this_.

He looked in the mirror and found that he had shrunk slimmer in size, his bulky muscles replaced with thin, lean muscles. His eyes grew wide as he found that his facial features became more rounded and softer, almost as if they were features of a…

He then made a frightening conclusion.

His eyes slowly made their way south, as he pulled back his shirt. There, in the place of his pecs, were two, large, female breasts.

Keith started to hyperventilate. He wanted to scream, but he didn’t want to wake up the other pilots. _I’m a girl! I’m a girl! No. This cannot be happening to me!_ He couldn’t decide what to do. Should he go get help? Should he stay in his room all day and pretend to be sick?

He finally decided that he couldn’t live without getting at least his morning coffee. He checked the time. _5:11 AM. Good. Everyone else is asleep._

Lady Keith snuck out of his bedroom with just his pajama top on which fell to his mid-thigh. He then looked down to see if he could cover more of his manhood, but… _oh yeah. I’m a girl now._

He made it halfway to the kitchen when he heard a hydraulic door hiss open behind him. Keith froze in his tracks and turned around slowly to see Lance gawking at him.

“Well hello there, gorgeous.” Lance said, obviously not recognizing him. He grinned at him the way that he did when he saw a hot girl. “Lance!” he cried in his new higher pitched voice. He covered his mouth in surprise.

Lance put his hands behind his head. “You know my name, huh? I’m flattered. I never knew I had a fan…and such a _beautiful_ one at that.” He hummed. Keith felt like he was gonna throw up. The thought of his best friend flirting with him made him uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure what to say.

Lance leaned in toward him, his hands still on his hips. “Hey that looks like Keith’s pajama top. Damn! Keith’s got good taste!” Keith then heard him mumble something like “I’m feeling sick, my ass.”

“Lance! I'm not a girl!" Keith yelled, but Lance wasn’t buying it. He stepped closer to him and looked at him with half-lidded eyes. “What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked, obviously taken. He walked closer to him, too close, in fact. Keith slapped him across the face.

“Dude! Focus! It’s me! Keith Kogane!” He was trying his best not to scream at him. He didn’t want the others to see him like this. He crossed his arms angrily. “Even if I _did_ have a woman over, why would you try to take her from me?! You told me you would stop doing that kind of crap after the Christina incident.”

Lance’s eyes widened. Nobody knew about Lance accidentally sleeping with Keith’s crush at the Garrison other than-

_“Keith?!”_

“Uh…yeah.”

Lance took 15 steps back. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, I thought you were…I mean…” His face became red. Keith smirked. “I’ll just pretend that this never happened.” He said. “So, what happened?” Lance asked.

Keith thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I started feeling really weird when we came back yesterday from that fight with Lotor.” He started walking toward the kitchen to get his coffee. Lance followed after him.

“None of the lasers hit you though.” Lance concluded. Keith hummed. “Then it must have been something else.” He then remembered that mysterious gas that entered his lion. “Oh! I remember now!” he exclaimed. He got out his mug from the cabinet with a victorious grin on his face.

Lance sat down on the stool and put his elbow on the island. He rested his head on his hand and exhaled. “What?” he asked tiredly. Keith poured the leftover coffee from the fridge in his cup and heated it up in the microwave. “There was this mysterious fog that came into my lion, as we were fighting, and that’s when I started feeling weird!”

Lance nodded half-heartedly. “I see.” He said. He yawned obnoxiously. Keith was draining even more energy out of him as he excitedly told him his conclusion.

Keith noticed this and looked at him with a confused look on his face. “Wait, what are _you_ doing up?” he asked. Lance shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.” He said.

Keith nodded and poured 5 sugar packets in his coffee. He stirred it with his spoon. “You know what I hate?” Keith mused out loud. “What, having bitter coffee? Cause I think you’re beyond that.” Lance said. Keith gave him a look. “No. I hate boobs.” He said. “They’re so big…and heavy.”

“Well _I_ certainly don’t.” Lance countered, staring at Keith’s chest. Keith tsked and covered them up with his arm. “You have a problem.” he said and walked out of the kitchen.

Keith took a sip of his coffee as he heard another hydraulic door open. “Lance? What are you doing up so early?” _Oh no._ Keith thought.

“Oh, hey Allura.” Lance said. Keith turned around and gave a signal to Lance to shut up. He didn’t get it. “I was just hanging out with Keith.” He said. Keith gave him a look and flipped him the bird. Lance gave him a smirk in return.

Allura turned and saw… “That’s not Keith!” She said. Keith could sense the anger boiling within her as her face became dark. “She _is_ wearing his pajama top though.” Jealousy was quickly filling her heart.

“Um…” Keith said. Allura stomped over to him. “I don’t know who you think you are, but there are no overnight guests allowed in the castle!” she said. “Allura, it’s me!” he said. Allura scoffed. “Yeah right!” she exclaimed.

She then looked him up and down. “If you’re _really_ Keith, then tell me something that only Keith would know!” Half of her was praying to be right.

Keith sighed. “When Coran and Nanny aren’t looking, you like to sneak out and go to the strip club down the street to—”

She gasped. “OH KEITH! It is you!” she cried, cutting him off intentionally. Lance gave Allura an amused look. “What happened to you? You’ve got boobs!” she exclaimed, pointing at his chest.

Keith sighed. “It’s one of Haggar’s old tricks again, apparently. She used this magic fog to turn me into a woman.”

“Hey, who’s the hot babe?” Keith threw his head back in exasperation. The one day that everyone was supposed to be sleeping… Hunk and Pidge were now outside in the hallway. “That’s Keith. He got hit with some sex changing fog.” Lance explained. “Oh.” Hunk said, embarrassed that he called his commanding officer a “hot babe.”

Pidge just laughed. “That’s hilarious!” he cried. “Can we focus, please!” Keith snapped. The four other pilots looked at him for guidance. He rubbed his head. “We need to find a way to reverse this. Something tells me that this isn’t going away anytime soon.”

“Yeah! Besides, no girl can command—” Pidge started but cut himself off when he saw Allura glaring at him.

“But how?” Lance asked. “You can’t just waltz up to Lotor and demand a cure.” Keith tried to think up a solution, but he couldn’t. “I’ll figure it out. In the meantime, we—" Before he could finish, the alarms started to go off.

“Let’s go team! We’ve got work to do.” He cried. A coffee mug was abandoned in the middle of the hallway, as the five went to their respective elevators.

~

“Lotor, your days are numbered!” Keith cried. Lotor simply laughed. “Well well well. If it isn’t _Miss_ Commander!” he taunted. “What, are you mad that you broke your nail?”

Keith could hear the rest of his team snicker. “IT’S NOT FUNNY!” He screamed. “That’s it, Lotor! You’re gonna pay!” Lotor laughed maniacally. “Ah, a helpless girl? Defeating me? Hah!” Keith blood was boiling. “Helpless girl?! I’ll show you! Ready to form Voltron!”

Soon enough, the gang had once again defeated Lotor. Today though, the victory felt extra good. “Great job, buddy!” Hunk swatted his commander on the back. He coughed, as his more fragile back felt the impact more than it usually did.

“I couldn’t have done it without you guys.” He said. Pidge grinned. “Victory meal! I’m cooking!” he cried. Allura giggled. “Well, what are we waiting for?” She exclaimed happily. The four walked off to the kitchen, Keith following them.

Keith then stopped for a moment. He felt as if he was forgetting something…

Keith looked down at his perky breasts. “Oh, son of a bitch.” He muttered.

**Author's Note:**

> HI
> 
> Was feeling under the weather today, and I felt like writing something, so this is the best that I could do. Sorry if it's lower quality than normal.
> 
> As usual, I hope you felt...something out of this fic.
> 
> I'm gonna go to bed goodbyeeeee
> 
> Love, your resident crack fic dealer,
> 
> Shrek


End file.
